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Commandment Number IV
Upon a First Disobedience, Make Correction as Certain as Gravity
Endorsed by Scripture
Numbers 32:23c, “Be sure your sin will find you out.”
by James Lyons
When a person is being tempted to give in to sin, two of the most important questions that they evaluate during the battle to obey are, “Will I get caught?” and “Will I be punished?” If they are certain that they will be caught and that they will be punished, then they may not consider the pleasure of sin for a season to be worth the wages that follow. If, however, they have learned from experience that what typically follows being caught are repeated threats and warnings, then they will probably regard the nuisance of a nag to be a cheap price for the thrill of rebellion.
Therefore, it is absolutely critical for your child’s moral development that you demonstrate to them the utter certainty of a retribution that will cost more in sorrow than the sin can afford in pleasure. The fourth commandment of child discipline, then, is to impress upon your children the impossibility of ever escaping sin’s consequences. Make sure they understand from the very first disobedience that there will always be a price to pay, that it is a law as certain as gravity, that no mortal ever born has once gotten away with a single sin that was ever committed since the honeymoon ended in Eden. Teach them the verse, “Be sure your sin will find you out”.
When our children were small, we would tell them things like, “God hates sin, because He knows how badly it hurts us, and He does not want us to be hurt. So God gives us Mommies and Daddies to spank us and teach us about the hurt that sin causes. But if our Mommies and Daddies don’t spank us, then God has to spank us, and God always spanks harder than we do. Who do you want to spank you—Daddy or God?”
They invariably conceded at that tender age that a spanking from Daddy was preferable to one from the Almighty. If we had waited until they were older, however, I am not certain that they would have been so wise! Teach them that the best thing that can happen to them is to be caught and dealt with by a loving parent, because the world is hard and the reproofs of life are unforgiving.
In fact, I recall occasions when they would be left with a more permissive relative (a practice we observed only in extremities) under whose care they would, unfortunately, yield more readily to temptations for mischief. After some feeble reprimand, the doting relative would assure the children that she would not report the misbehavior, and if they would just keep quiet about it, then Mommy and Daddy would never know. But the moment we would pull into the drive way, they would come out weeping and confessing and asking if they could hurry and go first for their spanking and get it over with—to the total shock of their baby sitter!
The parents who do not chasten their children upon the first disobedience, but begin giving warnings and threats and bribes, are doing their entire family a terrible disservice for which both the parents and children will suffer in years to come. Such parents are failing in their parental responsibility, and the children know it.
A child knows when he has done wrong; he knows he deserves correction; he knows that it is his parent who should correct him, and the child loses respect for both himself and his parent when he sees that he is allowed to do bad things and is not made to be a better person than he is able to become on his own. Of course, the child may be unable to articulate this, but his heart still feels things that his head cannot figure out. It is tragic but inevitable that such a child will spend many years to come constantly testing the limits of disobedience, searching in all the wrong places for esteem, despising his parents and replacing them in his heart with unsavory role models who will praise his misdeeds since there are none to correct them.
Unfortunately, there are parents who try to pass the responsibility of curbing their children’s sin nature off on others. They may rely on the church programs or the school or a Bible club or some other entity to act in loco parentis for them, and when the kids turn out a disgrace, they will say that it was that teacher’s fault or the youth pastor’s or a children’s club worker or some such. But the truth is, the only ones who can make a child obey his parents are his parents. The strictest school teacher on the planet can make little Johnny obey in the classroom and the fire breathing youth pastor can make him sit up straight in the pew. But we have all known of children who dared not cross Miss Armburster at school, yet defied and snapped at their own parents every waking moment at home.
I remember several years ago when a lady in our church decided to go back to work for a while and asked my wife if she would baby sit her little toddler for a few months. Now this particular toddler had a reputation in the church nursery. He was unruly and prone to tantrums. So, as was our custom in taking such assignments, Ruthie accepted on the condition that she could administer the same corporal discipline that we used for our own children. The mother was more than willing to see her child learn some of the self-control that she had observed in our children, and so it was agreed.
It did not take the little boy very long to learn that when Mrs. Lyons told him to do something, obedience was not an option. He soon became a charming little toddler—a terrific two instead of a terrible one. He learned to obey Ruthie immediately and gladly and would cry when it was time for him to leave in the evenings.
But did that make him any better at home? This question was dramatically answered one night when Ruthie discovered his mother picking him up from the church nursery. The little fellow was throwing such a tantrum as he was notorious for, kicking and tugging and squawling like a wild cat. But when he turned the corner and saw my wife, she gave him such a look of astonished disappointment that he abruptly fell into a shamed silence. My wife whispered his name with a tone of hurt and betrayal, and he hung his head like a whipped puppy. The change was so immediate and dramatic that the child’s mother looked up in wonder, obviously wondering what miracle my wife had performed.
But the good news is that what Ruthie had done was something far better than a rare miracle—it was simply the consistent, loving discipline described in the Word of God that can be applied by any parent who wants to rear a well behaved child. Impress upon the child the truth that any misbehavior is always paid for one way or another and that the best thing that can happen for the child is to be caught and have his wrong dealt with by the comparatively gentle hand of the loving parent. Impress this upon them not only in words, but also by consistently applying correction upon the child’s very first disobedience. God requires this of us, society expects it from us and even our children look to us for it.
You can pick up a copy of James Lyons book, The Ten Commandments of Child Discipline, at The Sanctuary Christian Bookstore in Columbus, GA.
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